I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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