so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
