did you get engaged???
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
