great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
