He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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