I just threw up on my dentist
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
