She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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