If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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