Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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