You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
