bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
