operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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