Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And then the night went full on bisexual.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
