I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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