I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
