I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
