my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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