True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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