great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
