just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
