Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
