He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
