True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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