i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
