i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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