You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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