this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
