Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
