oh god the rape fog is back!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
