I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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