Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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