They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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