Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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