sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
