my vag is so smooth its legendary
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
is wine microwaveable?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
