Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
