Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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