I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she smelled like a LAN party
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
