My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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