I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
