im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
