This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
