Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
