smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
