you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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