I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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