he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
