First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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