I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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