Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he fucked my hip out of place.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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